There Are Messages In Silence
And Only We Can Find Them For Ourselves. Includes Free Download
Do you know this quote by Osho?
“If you love yourself, you love others…if you hate yourself, you hate others. In relationships with others, it is only you, mirrored.” Osho
At first glance, it’s a bit of a mic drop. But sit with it; it’s a proper truth bomb.
I remember when I first learned this to be true. I was reading Pema Chodron’s Tonglen: The Path of Transformation, and my mind was blown, and a while after, this quote showed up on my Insta feed.
Ahhhhhhhhh
The way we show up in relationships (with lovers, mates, colleagues, even the person who cuts us up on the street) it’s all just a mirror reflecting how we feel about ourselves.
Carrying around a big bag of self-doubt, guilt, or unworthiness? Well then, you will no doubt start seeing that energy bouncing back at you in all your connections. But when you start treating yourself with a bit of love, grace, and kindness, and I mean really doing the inner work, your relationships start to soften, shift, and feel a whole lot lighter.
I tested it, over and over.
Of course, there were times when I just couldn’t muster up the vibes, but when I did - it really, really worked.
What I love about it is that it gives us the power back. Instead of pointing the finger or spiralling into “why are they like this?”, we can pause and go, “Alright, what’s this showing me about me?” It’s not always easy, but it is so bloomin’ freeing!
Why?
Because real connection doesn’t start with someone else, it starts with how we hold ourselves, flaws, brilliance, and all.
These days, our lives are filled with noise. External and internal. The constant hum of traffic, the family bowling around the house needing this and that, work demands coming out of our ears, the TV, news headlines, the social media scroll. Then, there’s self-doubt, expectation, and the nagging feeling that we should always be doing something - all the bloody time!
Silence is rarely celebrated. Neither is rest, and these should be the new badges of honour.
What does the silence reflect back to us?
Sitting in silence can feel awkward, empty, even threatening to some, but it will always prove to be the very doorway we need to step through, to meet ourselves and therefore, truly meet others.
Silence doesn’t mean absence or loneliness; it’s the opposite. You are getting to know the best person in the room! It can’t be measured in words or sound, but in the clarity it brings. When we intentionally pause, we begin to notice the undercurrents of our thoughts, the way our body feels, and what our intuition is saying - about anything.
These are the things that get lost in daily life, and because they are lost, most of us go through life reacting to people, situations, even our own emotions, without stopping to ask: what’s really going on here?
And more crucially, what is this situation or person showing me about myself?
Osho’s juicy quote highlights this perfectly. Our relationships act like mirrors. The love we extend, the resentment we hold, the joy we feel in someone’s presence or the discomfort we can’t explain, all of it reflects some aspect of ourselves.
But to see that clearly, we have to be willing to sit with ourselves first.
Learning to listen in and to… quiet
Now, I love a self-help book, or a motivational talk, like the next person, in fact, it’s what a lot of my work is based around, but although those have their place, the wisdom we seek is in the stillness. Just you. In a quiet place. For a while.
If that thought makes you feel like you could run a mile, it’s something to explore.
How do we begin to embrace silence, rather than fear it? And, what is it we actually fear?
Here are a few gentle invitations:
Start with micro-moments. You don’t need a retreat or a mountain to find silence. Just begin with two minutes in the morning, no phone, no agenda, no distractions. Sit and notice. That’s it. Don’t try to achieve anything. Just be.
Breathe with awareness. Your breath is a powerful anchor to the present moment. Try simply watching it… in, out, in, out…and let that rhythm settle you into the present moment.
Spend time in nature, without trying to capture it. Don’t post it. Don’t record it. Just walk. Look. Smell. Nature doesn’t force answers. It offers space for the answers already inside you to rise up. (This one is tricky for me!)
Create your own sanctuary of silence. Maybe it’s a room in your home, a bench in the park, or a corner of your mind you retreat to. Let this be a place where you meet yourself without judgement.
Reflect after interactions. If someone triggers you, or makes your heart swell, ask: what part of me is this revealing? What’s being mirrored?
Why this matters now
We live in an age of performance-curated feeds, showing a polished version of our lives, and the pressure to always have something to say. But sometimes, the most powerful thing we can offer to ourselves, and to others, is silence.
Choosing silence can feel radical. But within that silence is a fierce kind of love that says: I’m willing to look at myself. I’m willing to listen. I’m willing to change. I’m willing to leave you be to find what you require from within.
Perhaps that’s where true spiritual growth begins?
And when we love ourselves, fully, truly, without condition, that love naturally spills out into everything and everyone. And when we resist ourselves, the same is true.
So the next time the world feels too loud, or you find yourself spiralling in blame, in resentment, or even in over-giving, come back to the silence. Let it hold you. Let it teach you. Let it show you what’s going on beneath the surface. It might not be comfortable. But it will always be real.
And in the end, if it ain’t real - what’s the point!?
Free Download: The Mirror Exercise Worksheet
If you’ve ever found yourself spiralling after a difficult interaction or wondering “Why does this keep happening to me?”, this free Metox Series download is for you. Inspired by Osho’s quote, it will help you unpack emotional triggers, spot patterns, and gently shift the focus back to where true healing begins…you!
Great to use as a journaling tool too! Enjoy.
Use code SUBSUBFREE at checkout.
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